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Nostalgia

15 Hilarious John Candy Quotes From Classic ’80s Movies

Who feels like an Orange Whip?©Universal Pictures

The late great John Candy had a way with comedy, and he had a way with words. So it’s no surprise that throughout his classic ‘80s movies, there’s a good number of quotes that still stick with fans to this very day. It’s time to celebrate that legacy, by running down the wit and wisdom found within some truly memorable quotes from Mr. Candy’s movies.

Uncle Buck (1989)

“Who wants an orange whip? Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips.” – The Blues Brothers (1980)©Universal

Playing as a part of the all-star cast in The Blues Brothers movie, Candy’s law enforcement agent wasn’t without a sense of humor. Not to mention, it was rather polite to offer his co-workers all orange whips on the job!

We would have bought him Orange Whip.

“You ever travel by bus before? Hmm. Your mood’s probably not going to improve much.” – Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (1987)©Paramount

In buddy comedy scenarios, it’s all about knowing how to play your partner. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles puts that practice to the test in several ways, as John Candy gets to needle Steve Martin with lines such as this. Absolutely knowing that Neal isn’t going to take to bus travel very well, Del confirms as much with this well played, well timed moment.

“You ever travel by bus before? Hmm. Your mood's probably not going to improve much.” - Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (1987)

“You might have noticed that, uh, I’ve got a slight weight problem.” – Stripes (1981)©Columbia Pictures

Rather than giving John Candy a simple, self-deprecating fat joke, Stripes saw his character of Dewey “Ox” Oxenberg calling his larger body type out from the jump. Turning it all around into a fun punchline, this admission leads to Ox’s backstory, which is just as humorous as the reaction he provokes with this very line.

“You might have noticed that, uh, I've got a slight weight problem.” - Stripes (1981)

“What’s your record for consecutive questions asked?”- Uncle Buck (1989)©Universal

Between John Candy and Macaulay Culkin, Uncle Buck scored a late comedy hit for the ‘80s. Culkin’s interrogation of the equally straight-faced Candy still stands out as an iconic moment of rapid fire back and forth.

“What’s your record for consecutive questions asked?”- Uncle Buck (1989)

“Sorry folks, park’s closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya.” – National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983)©Warner Bros.

One of the best punchlines to a comedy movie, National Lampoon’s Vacation allowed John Candy to land a huge laugh with a very simple statement. The rest was history, especially with a patented Chevy Chase freak out in the mix.

“Sorry folks, park’s closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya.” - National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983)

“I’m a mog: half man, half dog. I’m my own best friend!” – Spaceballs (1988)©MGM

John Candy wasn’t always the smart alec with a sharp tongue. His humor also leaned in on the lovable and the absurd, with both factors colliding in Mel Brooks’ Star Wars spoof Spaceballs. Barf the Mog explains himself so clearly, but so adorably, that even John Candy’s prosthetic issues couldn’t stop him from delivering.

“I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!” - Spaceballs (1988)

“She could probably speak English already. I think she was in shock from bein’ arrested y’know.” – Splash (1984)©Disney

Initially Daryl Hannah’s mermaid in Splash didn’t seem to speak English when she met Tom Hanks’ lovesick Allen. After a quick TV spree Madison seems to pick up the language with no problems, which pays off in a couple of ways. One of which is John Candy getting to treat his on-screen brother to this theory of how that changed so quickly.

Jack Nicholson Got John Candy Drunk Before He Had To Show Up To The Splash Set

“Those aren’t pillows.” – Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (1987)©Paramount

The right line can lay out so many implications without needing to spell everything out. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles has one of those moments, which aptly pairs John Candy with Steve Martin, in a scene that slowly escalates into those three simple-but-audience-breaking words.

“Those aren’t pillows.” - Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (1987)

“Trapped in a tiger trap, by a tiger. This could be a setback.” – Volunteers (1985)©TriStar Pictures

A little wordplay can go a long way, especially when this scenario from Volunteers saw John Candy’s Tom Tuttle outfoxed by a big cat. Capping his bewilderment off by writing it all off as a slight inconvenience, rather than a pretty big reversal, just makes it all the more amusing to hear Candy dance with this alliterative accident.

“Trapped in a tiger trap, by a tiger. This could be a setback.” - Volunteers (1985)

“You don’t want to eat in a place where there’s rats. And I just found some rats in the back!” – Summer Rental (1985)©Paramount

Crusading for the little guy in 1985’s Summer Rental, John Candy’s Jack Chester leaves a seafood restaurant in a dramatic huff. After losing out on a table, and the remaining lobsters, to a snooty resident (Richard Crenna), Candy leaves the scene with this crazy last ditch attempt to sully the dining establishment’s name.

“You don’t want to eat in a place where there’s rats. And I just found some rats in the back!” - Summer Rental (1985)

“Monty, this is Hackensack, NJ. No scout comes here, you understand that. Trains are going through the outfield right now.” – Brewster’s Millions (1985)©Universa

While the New Jersey baseball scene has changed, especially in the Minor Leagues, this Brewster’s Millions line is still pretty funny. This is especially true when taking into account John Candy and his joke about a rather inconvenient railway situation; which leads to a promise of drinking with his in-movie buddy, and pitcher for the Hackensack Bulls, Monty Brewster (Richard Pryor).

“Monty, this is Hackensack, NJ. No scout comes here, you understand that. Trains are going through the outfield right now.” - Brewster’s Millions (1985)

“Bear… bear… Big Bear… big bear chase meeeeeeee…!” – The Great Outdoors (1988)©Universal

John Candy plays exasperation like a pro, especially in the face of fear. So when he tried to warn his family in The Great Outdoors of a particularly big bear that was chasing him, the resulting advisory came out in fits and starts.

“Bear... bear... Big Bear... big bear chase meeeeeeee...!” - The Great Outdoors (1988)

“Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face!” – Uncle Buck (1989)©Universal

Insults have always been something that John Candy has had a way with delivering. After defending his family against a particularly tough principal (Suzanne Shepherd), the character Uncle Buck gets its name from allows our hero to produce that very coin, and some stinging word of wisdom. You can’t easily copy something like this; just ask anyone who remember ABC’s short lived Uncle Buck series.

“Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face!” - Uncle Buck (1989)

“My reputation precedes me. Otherwise I’d be late for all my appointments.” – Who’s Harry Crumb? (1989)©Columbia Pictures

Believe it or not, a joke can be made funnier by its comedian’s laughter. Who’s Harry Crumb? gave John Candy a moment where that was proven to be true, as he drops this Marx Bros. style wisecrack, and chuckles at just about the time the audience would be laughing as well.

“My reputation precedes me. Otherwise I'd be late for all my appointments.” - Who’s Harry Crumb? (1989)

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